Day 8: Finding the Solutions

"For every problem there's a solution."

This is a popular phrase in my household. My daughter, while she is very innovative and creative in her work, is also quite the perfectionist. She imagines how she wants her art to look, and if anything goes off, a mispelled word, a line out of place, tape stuck on the wrong spot, it throws her into a world of frustration that is difficult to pull her out of. We have step back and calm down songs and activities at home that we sing often and she knows well, but in that state of frustration, she has zero intention of using. She is upset and doesn't want to be calmed down.

Does this sound familiar? It does to me. Often when I am angry or frustrated, I not only find myself rejecting consolation, but there is a stubbornness that is in my nature to wallow in my vexation and my failure and letting my mind drift to my own little frustrated world. 

Knowing this, I know that it's not what I want for my daughter. I know I can't make her want to calm down, but I first start by attempting to validate her frustrations. Often times we punish kids for being mad, as though the emotion itself were a sin. I believe it's more what actions we choose to take and attitude we choose to have in a situation are more the issue than the emotions we struggle through. There is a time for sadness, anger, happiness. The key comes in teaching children how to respond to the feelings they are having and how to cope and self regulate... Often easier said than done, but I think that should be the goal and intent of our interventions.

I found a wonderful book at our local library: 

"I Had a Favorite Dress" by Boni Ashburn. It told a beautiful story of a fashionable, little girl with a mother who could sew. When her dress no longer fit, she began to freak out, and her mother told her not to make mountains out of molehills, and changed her dress into another article of clothing. From a dress, to a shirt, down to a hair bow, the girl learned that there could be a solution to everything.

Fast forward to this morning. It's Fathers Day, and my husband was volunteering at church, so we stayed for two services. During the in between times, my daughter had a potty accident, and she had just transitioned back to underwear so I had no spare clothing. I was unprepared. We were supposed to take pictures. We were supposed to go straight to a family gathering right after service. What could she possibly wear?

I was confident it wasn't the end of the world, and promptly took my daughter to the car, where I grabbed a blanket (my first solution), and took her to the bathroom. 

Before I could get there, I noticed a booth selling t-shirts. Eureka! If they had a small, I could make this work (She still wears 18-24 mo. clothing)! No luck. Medium in men's is as small as it went. I bought one anyway, and improvised. My blouse made a great dress on her. I tied the back with the rubber band that came with the shirt, which I now wore. And would you guess, most people didn't even notice the wardrobe change, and thought my daughter's "dress" looked so cute on her! #score! 

So while my oldest daughter still has her moments (as do I), we can remind ourselves that there truly can be a solution to every challenge, if we are open to it. I'm trying to be. Are you?